One second. That's all it would take to break me.
Please excuse my melodrama. I'm kind of trippin' right now. I haven't eaten solid food in about 48 hours, and I'm looking at the long five days ahead of me. I want to quit so badly right now.
One second is all I need. I could even eat some healthy food. I still have carrots and apples, and stuff like that. I just need one bite of...something.
Every time I open my refrigerator to get cranberry or apple juice, or water, I feel like my food is mocking me. Every time I listen to the radio, they're advertising yummy junk food. I want to scream.
But I won't quit. Can't quit. I'd be disappointing many people, most importantly myself. Every time I'm tempted to bite anything, I think of how much I'll beat myself up if I don't finish this cleanse. My mom tells me that I'm my own worst critic. It's true.
I think of every other time I've tried to lose weight. Seriously tried. The second I slipped up, I got frustrated and depressed, and abandoned the whole effort. There is no way I can do that this time, after how far I've come. After all the hard work of losing 30+ pounds, if I were to quit now, it would be a long time before I got the strength to do this again.
So I'll stick to my guns. Damn.
I'm using every trick I have up my sleeve. I think of the people who are cheering me on. Then I think of how close I am. Then I think of how far I've come. Ok. I can do this.
In the meanwhile, every time I get a craving for some food, I take note of it on my Blackberry. These are the places that I will go when I'm done with Hell-Cleanse.
- My new favorite veg-friendly restaurant (I want some Bruschetta AND coconut tofu bites!)
- The place we used to go after Saturday runs (I want a grilled veggie sandwich!)
- Quiznos (I want a double cheese melt!)
- Cicis (I want all the pizza I can eat!)
- Subway (I want a pizza with some green peppers and tomatoes, AND some cookies!)
- This Italian place near my job (I want some mozzarella sticks!)
- Olive Garden (I want unlimited bread sticks!)
- My favorite restaurant EVER that's like an hour away (I want some veggie General Tso's chicken!)
- Dominos (I want a pasta bowl! AND I want to try their new pizza recipe!)
- This pizza/spaghetti buffet place near my house (I want some pizza AND spaghetti!)
- Dunkin Donuts (I want some croissants! AND a Pepsi! AND some hash browns! Muhahahaha.)
My eyes got really wide, typing that list. As you can see, I have had a lot of cravings.
Ordinarily, I have one day a week that I let myself pig out. So, I plan to go to one place each off-day.
I don't doubt that I'll be hitting up at least two of those places on March 1, when this cleanse is over. As a matter of fact, I plan to head on up to the drive through at Dunkin Donuts at the stroke of midnight on 3/1/10.
If I cheat, I get NADA. So I better be good. My body will thank me.